Hello IamHere22: I'm so sorry you are experiencing this sadness & difficulty. From what you wrote, it sounds to me as though you are simply overwhelmed by stress & anxiety. (I have struggled with a lot of anxiety over the years too.)

I've often likened the build-up of anxiety to the pressure that can build up in a closed steam heating system... (or perhaps a pressure cooker?) Somewhere within the system there has to be a release valve where the pressure can escape. Otherwise the pressure will build up to the point where it will find the weakest link in the system & blow out there. This is what, I suspect, is happening with you.

So, in some way or other, you have to find a way to allow the pressure the anxiety & stress you're under to be relieved... whether that be though individual counseling / therapy, some sort of group therapy, or via some other process. Writing more about what's happening in your life can also help. So continuing to post, here on PC, can help too. Our Personal Messaging system is also available for your use, should you want to share some of what's going on with you privately with another member. I wish you well...