Hello LeRandomName24: I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral… from the Skeezyks! I hope you find the time you spend here to be of benefit.

Actually you & I have a couple of similar experiences in common although it sounds as though yours were much more extreme. I have always been gripped by fear. So neither self-defense nor retaliation were ever really options for me. I'm an older person now. And I lead a pretty-much reclusive life as much is possible. I also struggle with a lot of anger... some of it directed at what was done to me, some of it directed at what was not done to help me, but a lot of it directed inward as a result of mistakes I've made over the years in my life.

From my perspective, I think it would be foolish of me to try to suggest what is going on with you from a mental health perspective. This is a job for a mental health professional. I don't know what is available to you, where you live, in terms of mental health services. But I really think the key here is for you to seek out some professional mental health services in real life. Being here on PC can help too. It can take awhile to become known here. Things tend to move quickly. But, if you stick with us, there is a lot of support available.

PsychCentral is a great place to get information as well as support for mental health issues. There are many knowledgeable & caring members here. The more you post, & reply to other members’ posts, the more a part of the community you will become. Plus there are social groups you can join & chat rooms where you’ll be able to connect with other PC members in real time (once your first 5 posts have been reviewed & approved.) Lots of great stuff! So please keep posting!