Why does this always come up in the middle of the night?

I had one of the worst weeks of my professional life last week and I'm thinking of calling in depressed tomorrow (or later today, I guess). It wouldn't be a lie, for sure. I'm so burned out, and I'm so tired of screwing up, and I just can't deal with it.

But the more depressed I get, the more I want to really, really do some damage. And then the whys start all over, like WHYdid she think that was an OK thing to do to a little kid, and WHY did she have to take it out on me, and WHY am *I* the one still suffering, 30 years after it ended, and she's blithely gotten on with her life? and WHY do I think it will solve anything, even if it would feel really good to give in?

I wish I could get over the wanting-to.



Candy