I'm making this post because I'm struggling with controlling my sexual self and coming to terms with my past abuse. I posted about this in another thread, but I'm going to post more about it here.

I guess I've always been hypersexual. Well, one night, at home, when I was 12 or so, my mother was having a house party at our house. I wound up in the basement, and for some reason, got a kick out of exposing myself to a close family friend's son a bit. I would flash him my nether regions. I had done this before to a boy, as a 4 year old because a few of the neighborhood girls and I were curious about the boy's private parts, and thought if we showed him ours, he would show us his.

Anyways, the evening wound up with...



That's not the first time I was abused, I have a strong memory of being in a van with a man with brown hair, and a few other people, and seeing a colorful beverage can in the cup holder. I was 4 at the time, and thought the beverage can was just a soda can, so I asked for a drink from it, being that I liked the blues and purples on it. The man said no at first, that I wouldn't like it, but then I put up a huge fuss, and to quiet me down, he allowed me one sip. The drink was bitter (as it was actually a can of beer), and I didn't like it, then the memory ends.

What that means, I don't know, but I always thought that brown haired man was my Dad, until recently when my mom said he wouldn't done that sort of thing.

But it doesn't end there, when I was in a camp for a marching drum corps type organization, I had another assault happen to me. I was standing around, waiting to do my thing in practice one day, when a fellow corps member walked up to be from behind, grabbed my butt with both his hands and said "HONK" really loudly. I should have told my dad, who was there, but I felt very violated and embarrassed so I kept it a secret. This happened when I was 16 or so.

So, along with these incidences and that one time I was physically abused as a kid by my father, I guess I've not had a very abuse free childhood.

Anyways, back to the point of my post. I wanted to ask if these traumas are why I'm so hypersexual these days? I mean, I'm constantly talking to guys I barely know in a deeply sexual nature through texting.

Is there a way to just, I don't know, shove aside that instinctual need to have sex for a while? I am going on a date soon and don't want to ruin it with giving the wrong signals. I'm into more serious and long term dating, but I'll be damned if my sexual urges don't in the way of getting on an actual first date every single time.