I am quite an introverted and shy person by nature.I suffer from extremely low self esteem which probably arises from two fundamental issues.First is being unattractive.And second is being untalented.In short,I feel worthless.

I am unattractive.I am short.I am balding at the age of 20.What else do you need.You can't imagine how traumatizing this is for me.Being short has already taken a giant piece of my self-confidence.Little ounce of what was left is destroyed by my balding hair.I feel sorry for people looking at me.I have totally avoided going outside.I have completely shut myself.I don't want to meet anyone.I don't want someone to comment on my hair.

Since I realised that I'm ugly and shy, so I thought that I needed to study well. I am not smart, I have a lack in the necessities and I am weak in languages so I work extra hard to overcome it.I worked my *** off to get admission in a good college.I work really hard to get the best grades in the class.I try to exercise regularly.I play guitar(not that great but not so bad either). I am a programmer so I don't really have to interact with the other people directly so it is a blessing.But sometimes it just doesn't feel good.It feels like no matter how hard I try, it will never be enough.Sometimes I feel so alone.I have no one to talk to.Literally no one.I have no siblings.From starting,I never really talked to anyone or shared my feelings with them.My mom was my best friend.She somehow know what was bothering me without me even saying it.She would know when I was sad or depressed or when I wanted something but was too afraid to say it.After her demise 4 years ago,I became even more detached.I had no one to confide my problems to.No one who would understand me.No one would really love me despite me being ugly.No matter how ugly you are, you will always be the most beautiful child to your mother in the whole world.My Dad is great.He cares about me.But I am not able to open up to him.Some days,I completely lose all motivation and just sleep all day. I know procrastination would do nothing for me.It's kinda ironic how I program bots but sometimes feel like I have become one of them.I feel no happiness.No satisfaction.No joy.Just sadness and feelings of worthlessness.Like no one cares about me.No one will ever be interested in me.I will end up totally alone.