PTSD
What it means to me. It means walking into the grocery store and
seeing OJ on sale. Can make my stand still, for moments. It makes me
see them. Makes me leave the store in a rush, tears running down face.
Hearing a song.......sometimes time stands still. Untill i shake it
off.
Just when i think its better or gone, it rears its ugly head.
Someone may have lost thier loved one and I just stop still. I can see
everything pass before me in fast motion. The hurt is so deep inside.
I hide it so well. No one understands.
No one knows the pain, the memories, they seem so there when it comes back.
To cope I go inside of me. Its safe there. No one can hurt me
there. Sure thats where the meriores hide too, But its just to painful
to think or give them away.
I am, when it comes back, sitting at thier sides. Hopeing ,
praying, the noise will stop, but if it stops they will be gone. I can
see thier eyes, I can hear the last breath leaving, and in the distant
i hear me crying.........
I can always hear my fathers last words............forever in my
head............
Most of all i see thier faces.............as they are
leaving..........leaving me for good...

I tryed to explain it to someone this weekend they thought I could not look at orange juice.LOL
The whole thing makes me hide..........it makes my insides hurt..........because i am real good at covering it............except here..................ty for listening I am sure you are tired of hearing it...............I am...........
I want it gone, i want it gone...........I so want it gone