She might not feel as if therapy is needed for herself though...her rules for herself (and her relationships) might be exactly what she wants, and has wanted from the time she was old enough to develop them....they don't have to change if she doesn't want them to.

You not wanting to "give up" is all well and good, but it doesn't have anything to do with what SHE wants for her life. Make sense?

I cannot speak to your arrangements with your son as I have never been divorced. I can only imagine that unannounced drop-ins from someone that I am angry with would only further fuel my anger. And for that I am very sorry.

Perhaps you both need to have a sit down and come up with some rules as far as seeing your son goes. Maybe a heads-up by way of text, or maybe a schedule...

Hopefully, someone who has been in your position will pipe in with a much better opinion than mine.

Good luck to you. Keep posting.