i appreciate it... i am ok though really, there is no option but to be right?

it just really does piss me off that i get to feeling like that and then i feel like this and im like wtf is your problem? cant you just stay in one bubble? know what i mean?

but i dont want to think about it, dont want to remember, gotta make it go away for as long as possible atleast until i learn how to handle it

just kind of really getting sick of the back and forth as of late.. huge question mark pops over your head and end up feeling like... nothing, empty, who the hell am i? and why are these feelings doing this to me?

but i dont want to be consumed by anything anymore, i wanna just stay away from all of that feeling stuff, really cant understand why i cant just stay one way...

i think im just tricking myself into different modes like a fool
just retarded because im tired of it and dunno why i would keep doing it to myself...
then i have to deal with these crazy dreams that keep me from sleeping...
i woke up in the middle of one, i cant remember what i was dreaming of course but i was really out of it... looked around a couple times and didnt know where i was... couldnt figure out who i was... was like wtf... i dont even want to know! this is still part of the dream i figured and tried to close my eyes and forget about it... slowly orientation came back and i fell back to sleep... still wasn't aware though... i hate it when that happens... strangest feeling in the world... thats why i think my brain is dieing :/
its just not normal... or natural... litterally jumping out of the bed confused as hell as to whats going on, where you are, who you are, why everything looks so strange, i dunno.. i dont wanna think about it
stupid dreams...