Hi there With or without you,

I'm sorry to hear that you're having such a tough time with your therapist.

I haven't had very long term therapy, though I did have 2 years with a psychodynamic counsellor, other talking treatments I have had have been between about 6 weeks and about 9 months.

I found the psychodynamic counsellor, after an initial improvement in insight really served to get me from one week to the next until I decided I wanted to try independence, with no real long term benefits.

I found more structured sessions with more input from the counsellor using different models including transactional analysis was more helpful, with some continued benefit afterwards and other sessions I had were to address a particular issue.

I'm still living with depression. Three years ago I "crashed" and have had limited response to medicine or talking treatment, but, diagnosed with BPD traits, I took part in Stepps, a course which focuses on coping skills to manage emotions which helped me to be more independent dealing with episodes of distress as well as insights into thinking patterns and anticipating and intercepting possible triggers. This has helped me communicate with people around me about what I need and to avert some points of conflict without anyone kicking off.

I think in my experience, after initially exploring childhood and developmental trauma etc., therapy has worked best in shorter courses focusing on particular problems with daily life.

I have been more ready to deal with different things at different times in my life (now 47) though if you find someone who can help you get through the weeks more easily where life would be impossible without, I would go for it, but possibly not weekly (if it is for maintenance), but adjusted to the time I felt I could manage independently.

The clear message from my psychiatrist is that he feels I need to learn to live as the person I am somehow ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ if my personality is part of the issue he may be right, much as I hate to admit it. The U.K. Health system is geared more toward shorter periods of intervention if possible, aiming for as much independence as possible, for better or for worse, so I have to pay for long term counselling type therapy myself.

I have an issue I am thinking of taking to a counsellor if I can't get past it by myself and we have also had some couples counselling which was helpful.
I suppose for me, I like to feel I have some sort of control and a therapist who will allow that. They all seem to think they can cure everyone, but I'm no longer convinced.
The key is to have someone you trust and that it is of benefit. Pain without gain is nonsense in my opinion, you probably have the best idea of what you need, and you still have the advice of your psychiatrist as your needs change.

I don't know if I have just muddied the water with my rambling, just a little of my experience living with almost lifelong depression (age 47)and the need to try to find a way to continue that is acceptable or at least manageable potentially for another 47 years.

Best of luck with your break, I hope it will shed some more light onto what you think you need going on into the future.

Kudos for continuing to work through all this! No one else can know how hard and how much of an achievement that has been for you.