Agitated today, not for me, but for someone else. I can't explain why, it feels almost regressive...

My mom and I were talking today. She's been in a severe depressive state for the last few weeks, and today explained that she isn't bothering to get help or try to talk to a psychiatrist because she feels there's nothing to live for, and no doctor can fix that. I don't know why it hurt me so much to hear that. Maybe it's guilt. And knowing I've slipped back into a lot of my own abusive behavior doesn't, hasn't helped. It ran through my mind a few times that I could be an orphan fairly soon - if she really feels there's no other reason to push on for years more.

Yeah, it's guilt. Guilt and something else.