I apologize up front for the terse writing and few details. I've become very tired

I'm in love with my best friend and have been for many years. She just got engaged. Everything really hurts, by far the worst pain I've ever felt.

I've gone through counseling for this. I take meds. I've talked to friends. I've spoken with suicide counselors. Nothing helps. It's just a bunch of platitudes being thrown back at me.

On top of that, I'm scheduled to take the bar exam in two days, and yesterday I collapsed and suffered a concussion, guaranteeing my failure. There is no way to get a medical deferral at this point in time.

I've written her a goodbye. I'm tired of hurting people. I don't want to die but the pain I feel is so intense, so all consuming. I can't last long.