As my relationship with my wife enters the phase that will probably include separation and divorce I realize that the years of her controlling behavior was bearable until I started to speak up on something that was immensely important to me, one of my children. At that point she started to go off the rails and double down on the controlling behavior. It's immensely painful while its happening, because it includes a lot of threats, violence, verbal abuse and so forth. But I am also able to step back, and check in with a few friends who remind me that I'm a good father and a good person.