Quote:
Originally Posted by junkDNA
i am having a hell of a time... its really bad. i dont want to go on. i went to work bu ti dont even know why. i kept asking myself" why am i even going here ? it doesnt matter" i got there and immediately wanted to leave. i was trying so hard to not cry in front of my coworkers. they alreaday thinkk i am weird enough. i told myself i will just work this shift nad go home and do it. well im home now. i texted my T for support... i had also called him before i wen tto work. he texted me some then stopped when he asked what i have eaten today and discovered that it hasnt been much of anything. i figured he was roling his eyes saying wow F it. which is how i felt. he called me around 10pm. we talkeds ome, i walked around th eparking lot. i cried a little. i felt stupid. he kept saying it will pass, it will pass. go home and take a prn and ur meds and go to bed, ill talk to u in the morning. i said ok i gotta go .he texted a few min after "i care about you very much, this will pass" well i am home now... i have a headache and i feel so terrible. i dont even know what i am waiting for. what is T gonna do?? im always going to end up here...in this state. i am so tired. im sorry for unloading here... i just ... whatever
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I felt exactly like that when I was working when I was sick. I would think about bringing a knife to me at work and ending it in the washroom.
I had to make money for my apartment and my mom kept pressuring me to work. I remember sitting with my parents in the car and then I just started crying. My dad offered to bail me out but I ended up quitting because I was suicidal and idk why in that state I would want to continue to that type of work for the rest of my life. I was just in a really bad mental state.
That was my second main job.
It sucks that America doesn't have good disability. You're good to have a supportive therapist.
No need to be sorry for posting. I've been posting here for like 3 years. It's all spam!!
You should take Advil or something for the headache. I just took Advil and it works wonders =P
I haven't eaten today either. Idk how weight loss works but I'm scared of gaining weight now with this Abilify...