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Originally Posted by prefabsprout This is hard for me to get my head around, for me the idea of worrying about what others think of me is bound up in how I feel about myself, thank you for explaining that it is quite independent with you. I'm trying to understand this, and I'm very sad to read it drove you to feel SUI.

Well, you are correct, it does lead to that... I just don't see what specifically is so bad about me that no one is interested.

Basically it boils down to focusing on oneself and one's life the best you can, getting up in the morning, putting oneself together, looking in the mirror and being happy and proud of that... then that feeling deteriorating over time as no one shows interest, your messages are ignored, your swipes unrequited, and finding oneself three drinks deep at the end of another day/week/month/year of being unappreciated by the world, utterly exhausted by the energy put in... and yeah... some days it gets darker than others. It's an endless cycle of that same course of events. Staying strong and positive only to be chiseled down to self-loathing by one's actual experiences.

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Is it really the world though? You say you have great friendships, that would tend to suggest people do like you.

They do. Though, I can't say I have a lot of friends to substantiate a sample selection. Some of that comes from bouncing around during my early thirties, so they're scattered about a bit.

I'm going to go back to the concept of people liking you as a friend doesn't mean they want to be with you romantically. There are other prerequisites to romance where I obviously fail. That's why I tend to default to simply being ugly. Friends don't generally care (or even think) about how attractive their friends are. It's just not a prerequisite like it is in dating.

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Originally Posted by black-roses Okay I read your situation and I feel like I have some kind of answer for you I know what it is like feeling like nobody wants you and feeling inadequate but you have to realize this is not your problem these girls you speak of could just be girls who are struggling with mental illness, no job etc and therefore are in no state to even think of dating anyone. Please don't take this personal because we don't reply some of us are in our own **** and think that a guy hitting on us is the last problem we need in the sea of the problems we have (or at least that's how I see it because I am depressed and men seem to trigger deeper feelings of depression and helplessness) but honestly it sometimes is the two right people but the situation is just ****ed because they both have different problems that they each can't balance out... I hope this helps good luck to you

It's an interesting theory... but I somehow doubt that even 50% of women on Ok Cupid, Plenty of Fish, Tinder, etc. are struggling with mental illness, unemployment, etc. I'd think I'd hit at least a few fairly even keeled after six years and thousands of contacts.

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Originally Posted by Artchic528 ...but I think it helps to picture what exactly you want from your ideal woman, or whomever you desire, and start looking from there.

^
I think this is brilliant advice... and it's not the first time I've had it thrown my way. The crux of it is: How does one apply in in practice? As much as it's my bane in the quest for love, online dating has got to be one of the best places to apply that mantra. You've got all sorts of people corralled in one spot, in (at least, semi-) perpetuity, and you know a good bit about them. A lot more than strangers, for sure... unless they come vetted. Believe me, I've come across that profile of what (on paper, at least) appears to be something in the vein of an "ideal" woman. Sometimes it's hard not to get so utterly excited when a number of things line up... and then you send them a kind and smart message... and then: Nothing. If anything, in the online world, the few that do reply aren't exactly "shoe-ins" in terms of the sordid details. I've oft been bewildered by who chooses to respond and who doesn't.

Outside online dating, all I can do is go about doing things I enjoy to hopefully be in the context of similarly minded women, like going to shows, hipster bars, car shows, and whathaveyou, in the hope I meet someone that makes half-way decent sense.

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Originally Posted by Artchic528 Maybe you don't believe in anything divine or godly, nor that things work in mysterious ways in our Universe, but I was once told that for every pot, there is a lid. So there is someone out there looking for you, just as there is someone out there looking for me.

I'm an atheist and science-y kinda person so I don't put any stake in the destiny front. Sorry. I figure I either figure it out, or rely on luck/chaos work for me (or not), and the second is out of my control, so might as well focus the first.

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Originally Posted by Artchic528 Maybe I should follow my own advice

Yup, at least until it's not working... then try some other suggestions.