In answer to the question - No, I do not smoke Speed. Of course I have seen him smoke it and by his own admission he does, but when he is alone with me - especially at mt familys place - he does not bring it out. He is, actually, napping beside me, on day 5 of being clean. Whether it is long term or not remains to be seen. It has been... trying. Moreso for him, of course. But it shows he actually meant it went he said he wants to quit, to try and fix things.

It hurts to see how readily he is cast away, however. If this is what he deals with, day in and day out, I can begin to understand how he is so sure that he is worthless and does not matter.
My heart hurts that he, someone who was damaged at the hands of another and never given a chance to recover, can be tossed aside. In his own words "we're no less disposable then coffee cups." Perhaps I wasn't hearing the musings of a broken person but someone wise beyond his years.