Quote:
Originally Posted by speckofdust
I told my T early on in my sessions with her that I feel like I've outlived my usefulness, and that I could not imagine any scenario where my life will get "better." That was 19 months ago, and I feel the same way now. I'm totally stuck where I am, and I have no energy to change anything. I allowed other people to manipulate and control me all of my life, and now I'm unable to disentangle from my situation.
My T tells me that I deserve to be happy, and that I am worthwhile. Well, she says lots of positive things, but I don't believe any of them. I certainly don't feel those positive things for myself. I'm trying now to figure out if and how I could ever possibly feel like my life will be worth living in 6 months from now, much less 6 years from now.
Positive affirmations feel hollow to me, and bounce off like ice pellets. I read lines like, "I love and approve of myself," and laugh. When I do go out with a friend, trying to feel some level of joy or happiness, I feel empty instead.
As a couple of people already stated, the best I seem to be able to do is slog through each day and keep trying to find a little sense of accomplishment in doing just that.
|
I'm sorry to hear this, but I relate to it very well... There are good things in my life, but they bring me very little joy. I don't laugh, my smiles feel fake... I wonder what the hell I'm doing here most of the time. This illness has taken away my life and I can't find my way back. I always feel like I'm on the outside looking in, I'm very isolated, I spend most of my time by myself. I am lucky to have a wife that loves me, and she tries to be understanding, but our relationship feels very superficial anymore, like we're just going through the motions.
It seems like I just wander through life, just waiting to go to sleep so that it will stop for awhile. 😔