Thanks a lot
I did break it into segments
It does help. Specially when I'm not feeling horriblly bad which I do most days now :/

I guess as you said. If i reduce my fear of failure and focus on studying i will be much better and focus on the present.

I mean I'm a programmer. I always find a way that's what I do. But still i feel extremely overwhelmed. There's so many problems. Even if i succeed it's not all heaven.

I wish i could but i can't go to therapy

And my main mistake was forcing myself to study theology which i don't like :/