Quote:
Originally Posted by stopdog
I read Miller's Drama of the Gifted Child - I think it changed names somewhere along the line.
Some of what I got out of it was that no matter how well intentioned parents were, sometime children have a bad time of it. Not because the parents were monsters, but because everyone has stuff.
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I think this is an important point that is not much talked about in therapy, at least the therapy I've had, or the articles I read on PC.
We talk about how horribly we were treated and learn how to feel the effects that had on us but in the end "everyone has stuff" and I for one loved my parents anyway. They may not have "deserved" my love and my idealization of them was certainly just that -- idealization -- and as an adult I needed to learn to let that go. But the love? I am so glad that I have the capacity for that and they were my first "objects", and I still love them, deceased and imperfect though they were.
I have a "monster" inside of me but that's not all of me. Nor was it for my mother or father.