Hello All,

I have been reading the forums for some time now, but just recently made an account to start posting. I was recently diagnosed with BP I (within the year) and am having the hardest time accepting it. I guess my gut knows something is wrong with me, it is evident in the 4 hospitalizations over the past year, but I absolutely hate the idea of taking medication. I will usually take the medicine for a minute, until I feel better, and then quit and end up becoming euphoric or severely depressed. What also bothers me is the fact that no medication has truly relieved my symptoms; I consistently struggle with SI, racing thoughts, and often voices. I also have a hard time communicating with my providers as I have this idea that they are secretly judging me or planning to institutionalize me. This often creates a scenario where my doctor is unaware of what truly is going on with me. My question is, is there ever really a relief from symptoms or is this a consistent struggle for the remainder of my life?

Sorry if this post is all over the place, just my thoughts are everywhere.

Thanks for reading...

BigMac