what the heck is wrong with me????? I was doing all right, was pushing those thoughts of the guy away and moving forward...so he sends me an email last night in answer to the message I sent a week ago. we emailed back and forth a bit and finally I said why don't we just text for a while and see how you feel then. I get banner notifications on my computer and my anxiety started to soar the moment the banner popped up and said he had sent me a message. It was through the roof last night when I went to bed because I felt like, is he going to text, is he not...answer to that is, he has not. I refuse to send him any messages til he writes me first. what is making me so upset...each time I managed to calm down and start moving away from all of this, he shows up! and stupid me, I want him back. I can't even tell anyone why either. I am being seriously stupid and riding the roller coaster all by myself in the front seat. I know I have always liked him more than he liked me. I just kept hoping he would feel more for me over time if I was patient. So even though I thought I was being patient, he felt like I was pressuring him for more time that he didn't have available to give me. I seriously want to ask him, if you didn't have time to date someone and spend time with them, why the heck are you on a dating website????

I see my therapist tomorrow, I honestly don't even know how to explain this to her. I"m sure she will tell me to ditch him. I almost did send him a message earlier to day to say never mind, lets just go our own ways. I don't WANT to go my own way. I want him.
(shaking my head...) I am so disappointed in myself to let another person trigger all this. I've been so stable for 2 years and now I am back on the ride.
I know I have probably frustrated you guys too. hearts just are not rational organs. thanks for letting me rant.