Thank you all so much for the validation... it really means a lot.

I'm not sure that I should talk to him (the T) about this. That's part of what feels crazy to me, technically, I'm on my way out. I quit in January, and only went back b/c I was having a difficult time and hadn't found a new T. But, theoretically, I'd like to keep him as a... back up T, I guess? Someone to touch base with if I need to in the future?

And, T is supposed to be helping me find a new T. I wrote up what I want in a T, and he was supposed to send a request to his email network of Ts. He told me that he thought he'd get maybe 10 or so responses, he's going to vet them a bit for me, and send me the ones that he thinks are good fits. Then, I'm going to look them up online, figure out who I think looks best, and set up initial appointments.

This is also really nice of him (assuming he vets them, I'm hoping he does, I think he'll be good at ruling out unstable, unprofessional Ts).

But I'm anxious, b/c I haven't heard from him yet. He sent me a draft of the email on Tuesday morning and I OK'ed it, but... it's been silent since then. I'm afraid that no Ts are going to want me, and my T hasn't figured out how to nicely tell me that yet !

Skeksi - thank you for understanding (and thanks for the hugs, it's a hard situation)!

Atisketatasket - thanks, and I'm glad that someone else gets the "you're too good to have mental problems" stuff. It's hard. For me, I coped with a lot of my family crap when I was young by retreating to schoolwork... so I did awesome at school, that was my happier-than-home place!

And thanks for getting the TSA stuff. It boggles my mind how he can't understand the issues that I have with that... it was incredibly frustrating, especially having to travel for work (thankfully rare), which means I can't just say, "oh gosh, I'd rather not, thanks!".

MobiusPsyche - thanks, and you're right... it's weird because this T isn't a good fit for me in so many ways, but there are a couple things that he did really, really well (much better than my previous awful Ts). Not everything, but a couple things that really helped.

Anyway, I'm still looking for a new T... it's really hard though. I'm a pretty "challenging" client (my T's words!) and really, really need someone who has dealt with their own stuff (I've made previous Ts cry, not on purpose, but.. having a T sitting across from you, crying, saying, "I know I'm a good T... but... " *sigh*).

And, yes, thanks... Ts should be able to see below the surface. That wasn't something that I felt like I was getting here. Hope I can find one that is better at that. Thank you.