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i don't want to care about him. i don't want to need him. because then it will just hurt so much when he isn't there for me. if i don't care about him then it won't matter if he isn't there for me.

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This comment struck me today. I think I may be feeling this way too just not admitting it to myself. I don't want anyone close to me husband, T, friends because I don't want to need or depend on them. I do to great extremes to act publicly like they are not important to me. Even though deep in my mind (in my fantasies) they are very important to me. I am simply an insure %#@&#!!