I don't know but it sounds confusing for you. I think I can understand when you have had a bad lot in life and then some good things happen then it can be hard to believe it to be true but it probably could be true and I think that if you try to shut it out because you don't trust it then you have no hope of having the good that might be there. Then you would be only back to where you were if it wasnt true, so what do you have to lose by believing and going with it? Not much. I am glad good things are happening for you and hope that you can sit back and enjoy them.