Hi Leyla

Firstly, I'm sorry you're struggling so much

And it sounds like you're needing some closure on the friendship...........I don't know if there's anything symbolic you could do to help with that/something that has some meaning in the context of what the friendship was??
Or maybe you could write down all your feelings or everything you'd want to tell them "if"..........and what you do with that is up to you.............some people would burn it or bury it or keep it for "if they need it".
But maybe you could try to focus more on the good parts of the friendship and whatever happened at the end...........well at least you have the good bits to hold onto..........and maybe "just" celebrate having them in your life??
And sure, the ending might not have been good...........but maybe you can see the friendship as something that just had to end/something that couldn't last, but also something that gave you some things to move on to form different (and mabe stronger??) friendships in your life/in the future which can be really rewarding.............

And you know you did say the "recent" past............so maybe there is a sense of grieving over the loss of the friendship..........even if it ended badly you could still be grieving the loss of the better bits, "what could have been", and someone who was a close friend.........so try to give yourself a "bit of a break" and a bit of self-care. And whatever feelings you're feeling a bit of self-compassion, hey?? Things like this can take time

And to borrow some words of wisdom from part of a post from another user on here "However, I try the mantra "it's ok, you love them, you miss them" feel it- and then let it go- with a deep exhaling breath- "i will move on" It has helped. There are too many who Enter our lives and disappear without warning. Yet, when all is said and done, no matter the pain. It made me stronger and ensures my eyes will be open next time.............."

So just some thoughts................



Alison