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Originally Posted by musicismyescape07
Can being the “strong” one for the family make you somewhat numb? I still get sad with certain situations but I feel like I don’t get sad enough or maybe the sadness doesn‘t last as long as it should. Maybe I‘m subconsciously numbing the sadness? I do have a good bit of anger though so maybe numb isn't the correct word. Or am I just a bad person that is starting to become a little bit cold-hearted?
Also, if you’re the shoulder to lean on, the listener, and kind of the caretaker, is it normal to be somewhat bitter and resentful? Even though you love (some of) the ones you are looking after and doing things for? Or once again, am I just a bad person? I feel like I am for feeling the way I do.
I understand and will admit that it’s my fault for not setting boundaries but how can I with the few people that I love so much? If someone I care for and love needs or wants anything, I will do whatever I can to help, no matter what it costs me physically or mentally. It’s especially hard because nobody else in the family wants to step up like I have. Also just to mention, SOME of the people that I’m speaking of are not manipulative, they are just not able to do some things for themselves or it’s just easier for them to have help with.
I don’t really expect any advice that I haven’t already heard or read about. I guess I just wanted to rant and see if other people have similar feelings so hopefully I’m not alone. Does anybody else here have secret feelings of bitterness, resentment, emotional numbness towards your loved ones that maybe you look after physically or mentally? If you do, do you also have a lot of guilt for these feelings like I do?
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Dear, I think we have to become numb for us to be the strong one. When my father died, I was the one with mom the whole time, holding her up, taking care of things.. I did the same when my older brother (who lived with her) died. I was the one to discover his body on Christmas morning. Again, I was the one there for support, keeping numb about my own feelings so I could help her with hers, along with dealing with the coroner and police, etc.
I am now my mother's only caregiver since she broke her hip in 2014. It is a lot of responsibility. Do I get aggravated with her side seat driving? Her forgetfulness, her phone calls just to tell me what time it is as I'm getting ready to take her to a Dr appt? (Man, she wants to be there 30 minutes too early, ha ha.) You bet I do! However, I make sure she never knows that, it would hurt her feelings. I have a spouse that understands and helps me by listening and we just keep that anger or aggravation between ourselves.
Guilt is also common. Best to drop that, if you can. Guilt serves no purpose in our situations, and we don't really have the energy to deal with guilt along with being the strong caregiver. I can let the guilt go. I tell myself I have no reason to feel guilty, I'm doing my best.
Everything you described is normal, imo!

You are very compassionate to do what you do for others. Don't beat yourself up.