I've been struggling with an eating disorder for about 15 years. I was a rail thin kid - could and did eat anything in site without gaining weight. When I was 26 and had my daughter, my metabolism changed - dramatically. Everything I ate turned to fat and for the first time in my life - I was overweight. About 50 pounds overweight to be exact. I did weight watchers - I LOVED the process - the meetings, the support, the attention I got - the people that listened. I met my goal and felt horrified - OH GOD - I dont *need* to be here anymore - now what? Dieting had become my lifes focus - I finally *fit in somehwere*. I gained 50 pounds back then did the south beach diet - I LOVED it - I joined the online site - posted, answered questions, got guidance -I was my online family. I met my goal, cancelled my online membership (dont need to spend $5 a week I dont have if I 'm not overweight) - well, I'm 20 pounds heavier again - eating my way back to what the next diet will be. I will make a long story short - grew up in a VERY dysfunctional family - parents both died while I was young, only brother is in jail and I truly have no friends. I dont got out, dont socilaize, am not involved in anything. I am raising two kids alone and spend every minute at home. Dieting is my connection to people and by gaining I give myself a "justification" to spend the money I truly dont have because I need to lose weight. I know food wont solve my problems or take away my lonliness, but thats the logical me - not the me in the middle of a massive binge. How do I stop this cycle?