Dear, I think we have to become numb for us to be the strong one. When my father died, I was the one with mom the whole time, holding her up, taking care of things.. I did the same when my older brother (who lived with her) died. I was the one to discover his body on Christmas morning. Again, I was the one there for support, keeping numb about my own feelings so I could help her with hers, along with dealing with the coroner and police, etc.

I am now my mother's only caregiver since she broke her hip in 2014. It is a lot of responsibility. Do I get aggravated with her side seat driving? Her forgetfulness, her phone calls just to tell me what time it is as I'm getting ready to take her to a Dr appt? (Man, she wants to be there 30 minutes too early, ha ha.) You bet I do! However, I make sure she never knows that, it would hurt her feelings. I have a spouse that understands and helps me by listening and we just keep that anger or aggravation between ourselves.

Guilt is also common. Best to drop that, if you can. Guilt serves no purpose in our situations, and we don't really have the energy to deal with guilt along with being the strong caregiver. I can let the guilt go. I tell myself I have no reason to feel guilty, I'm doing my best.

Everything you described is normal, imo! You are very compassionate to do what you do for others. Don't beat yourself up.