"I can do without your insincere platitudes, [insert aggressive use of t's first name]."

"Well, no ****ing ****, Captain Obvious."

"When I come in, expecting to meet with you, and you aren't there--well, [Name] It's rather like biting into an eclair only to find creamed asparagus on the inside--It's disappointing, [name], and it doesn't make any sense."