Ok, that makes sense, I guess I was picturing when he said it that I had to go into next session and just spill it out like I was vomiting it all up at once or something......I knew I wasnt' going to be able to go there like that. Picking one, and working on it makes more sense. Phew......

No I have never been able to say how I feel, I just bury it deeper, when I am angry, it makes for some interesting arguments in my head but that is about it.

I disclosed everything in therapy, all the sexual abuse, even the emotional abuse that happened growing up, when we started on the emotional abuse, I just said matter afact type things, like it was no big deal that I could never say or feel anything or express anything growing up. I still do it!! So the concept of actually feeling it and saying it out loud is scarey to say the least. My T asked told me last week, that if I am angry with him, he wants me to tell him....... I told him I couldn't do that....he asked why? Because I can't......he asked me if it is because I think he can't handle it?? Maybe......yes, no........because if I say what I think you will leave!!! He said that wasn't ever going to happen, and that he can handle it, and that we would discuss it, and figure out how to work through it!!! I have never done this before, I have never told or said to anyone that I am angry with them, I have had arguements, and it was like I was watching it and not in it, because I went out of control, that was years ago, and I swore I would never do that again......so I haven't.......when I am mad, I just walk away and keep walking until I calm down, and then I bury it and forget about it.........

Telling him what is going on and why I have these feelings is scarey, but one at a time, feels less intimidating........

I never thought in a million years I would ever, let any of this out!! Now that the top is off the bottle, it won't stay in!!