I wanted to say thank you to all here, for providing support for me thus far-- a very long, overdue welcome. Deep down, I'm scared and anxious, and I'm afraid of moving onto things if I think its wrong... o getting hurt and crying too easily. But thank you for letting me cry, and SeptemberMorn, eskelover, thank you for so much advice, all that both of you've given me. Its been helpful in the past few weeks, a mind wracking mess, but one I have come out more than okay, but smiling at the future in front of me. ^^

I also wanted to give an update...

My boyfriend stayed together after we worked out my views, and he was by my side and hugging me and helped me start the conversation a week ago when I went to admit my suicide attempt to my mum, and was sweet enough to let me hug him afterwards. I love him dearly, love him so much. ^^ He's a different boyfriend than my fiance I mentioned, and I'm much happier with him. We see eye to eye most of the time and we work out the rest, and we are there to listen to each other, I think the world of him and hope maybe he is the right one. ^^

I am back at the house I was raised in with my family, attending an improv (improvisation, acting) class in college. I love being on stage and improv is so much fun, so much fun to act like an idiot on purpose and make everyone laugh, make people happy. ^^ It may be my only college class but each class is a joy to attend and a joy to go home to, knowing that it makes others smile when we do shows. ^^

My said boyfriend has been helping me through with my depression-- he's starting to see a side of me I never showed most people. I admit... I created a new personality years ago after an incident where I felt weak and I was cruel, a side of me that never felt happy for the past five years, I always felt so like I was never good enough, not worthy. But it seems to be in recent wees the sunshine has come out, and he loves this other side of me, the old me, and has been helping me regain strength. Bless the world for him, I'm so glad he's there by me, helping me through now. ^^

My only concern right now is a recent revelation to my boyfriend, that I spend every second of the day in pain and maybe near fainting on rare occasions, but he's seeing that I stay on task and talk to my mum or get a doctor to help about it, but with hope its not a major condition, just maybe one that could be righted with a little meds. ^^

I got off track here, thank you so os much, especially you SeptMorn and eskelover, and anyone else who my ditzy mind might have missed. May God bless you all. ^^