Quote:
Originally Posted by gentlegianted
I'd ask yourself. "What is it about me that continues to want to pursue an unfulfilling relationship?
Is it familiar to you to stay in unfulfilling relationships? If yes, then that may be the issue here. What she decides is out of your control. You can only communicate what you want.
Get help for yourself and allow others to be who they are. If you are unhappy and have done all you can to communicate your needs then that is really good feedback for you.
You honor others most by respecting their values and beliefs - even if they don't align with yours. AND that does not mean you have to stay married to them. They have their journey and you have yours.
I learned a long time ago "You can love someone but you don't have to like their behaviors"
It sort of sounds like you are "committed" to "fixing" someone and it's not working? Don't confuse that with love. In order for all relationships to work, two (not one) people have to have the desire to get into alignment. And you need proof that each person is trying to reach similar goals.
hope this helps.
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My partner suffers from what I think to be narcissistic personality disorder,obsessive compulsive disorder,Avoidant personality disorder and it absolutly paralized me I dont know what to do. heres the short version
ill start with her she was born to a mother who had a 3ed grade education and a father who was educated the father was in his garage all the time and when the daughter would go try to interact with him he would tell her to get out from under his feet and go play so 75 to 85% of her time was spent with her mom. From what she tells me her mother called her a dumb *** all ther time and told her she would never be loved and she would never amount to anything, fast forward to her 12th birthday fathers had enough and leaves for another woman, she remembers that day clearly, mother is really angry because of her husband leaving takes her frustrations out on her daughter for the next 3 years. Daughter cant stand it any more and finds the first guy that will show her "love" and marrys him at 15 everything was good for the first couple of years the husband starts hanging around the wrong people starts doing cocane beats daughter with a pistol fires pistol beside her head this goes on for a couple of 2 or 3 years decides to leave. husband #2 they get together and she gets pregnant husband gets scared and leaves when shes 3 or 4 months along. meets husband #3 at work and decides the baby needs a father and that she could learn to love him, he didnt beat her but he wouldnt pay any attention to her the whole 8 years they were together they made love 3 or 4 time all he would do is set in front of the tv and watch tv all day sleep or go to work. she left him after 8 years I think now we got togerther just weeks to a month after husband number 3 she got pregnant a couple of months after we got together now fast forward 6 or 7 years for that whole time she worked while I stayed home I joined the milatary couldnt cut it got out went to college I managed to get her into college as well but it was to fast for her and she failed after that she just gave up and fell into her depression where shes at today. Now I know that I had some to do with her depression and I'm sorry for that but do i need to appologize for the rest of my life ?? she says she cant get past what ive done being that she would go to work come home tired and I wouldnt have her nothing to eat cooked when she was pregnant with our 4th child she was bedridden I let her starve I dont remember that but what i want to know is how do I move on with her ? How does she move on from all her pain so that we can be happy please help
BECAUSE I FEEL OBLIGATED GUILTY I GUESS