Mixed emotions are normal until you have finally had enough. I lived in the same house with my H for the last 13 years of the marriage because he wouldn't move out & I didn't have the money to. Went 12 of those 13 years without having sex with him because of how I really felt about him....absolutely NO LOVE. Even tried a redid action of vows but it didn't help me feel any different about him & sadly hate grew out of it. I no longer hate him....but I don't love him either & in my looking back, realize I never did. We each have our own marriage histories to deal with & I know that your having actually loved your husband makes separating that much more difficult & the WHY question always there with questioning "why can't I tolerate?

I can so relate to what Rainyday said about how the H wanted to be seen. That was one of the last comments my x made was that he didn't want a divorce because it would make him look like a failure....so what did my leaving him 9 years ago & never looking back make him look like....but yes, I was the bad guy for deserting him to his family. Blessed that my daughter who was in her late 20's by then understood though I never said anything, allowing her to make up her own mind about how she felt.

Making the break is not easy. In reality it took me all 33 years of my marriage to actually make it after making the bad decision of getting married to him in the first place