Thanks so much for responding back. I'm so glad that people are finally recognizing the stress that Emergency Services people go through ,seeing so much bad stuff every day. I think most think well that's your job, and what you signed up for, deal with it. But some of the things we have witnessed no one would sign up for. Granted it takes a special kind of person to that job, but we are still human and the accumulation of all those horrible sites catches up with us. I actually started in 1977 when I joined the Air Force and got my EMT-IV there. Worked in West Texas Medical Trauma Center to keep my credentials up. There was so much trauma from people getting caught in farm equipment or being thrown off horses/bulls. ATV's rolling over on them. It was a different kind of trauma that I saw on the East Coast.
Then 18 years of Law Enforcement/Fire Fighting/EMT/Disaster Response Team... it was a lot. Dad's death and the early EMDR really kicked it off in my head.
It's funny how things can be okay then one day all that changes in a blink of an eye and it makes you wonder why it can't change back that quick, or at least in a month or so. NEVER did I think that 2.5 years later it would be keeping me down like this and change the person that I was.
My childhood neglect was not identified until I started talking to a T. It was just the way it was and I didn't think much about it. The T thought otherwise. Especially when I started drinking alcohol at age 9-10 and smoking.
When you look at the big picture it makes sense why things are as they are. There are so many pieces of the puzzle. Individually they are not big deal really, but as the puzzle fills in you see.....it was a big deal for a kid to go through. *sigh*