Black-roses,
I hear frustration in your post & im sorry if that's the case. I hope I'm not causing that by adding to your thread.
I think you've come a long way with your feelings & exploring what you want & I think you should continue this search.

But your search will involve work & changes. Nothing easy or short lived. It'll take time...& all you have is time!! So relax & set some short & long term goals.

And yeah maybe having anything to do with love & men is not a good idea right now. Take a break, figure some stuff out & then move on.
I think you're on the right path....