i wish i knew what people feel all the time like in the movie What Women Want, but not for manipulative reasons, if only to know how i effect others

when i smoke weed, which hasn't been in a while, and sometimes when i am very depressed, i feel like i am more connected to the things around me, and i hear, see and notice subtle things that remind me how big of an impact i can have on people, or how big an impact anyone can have, for that matter

it makes me feel like i am being cheated of the right to be "in the loop". i feel like the only time i understand social things is when i make a best guess based on an elaborate resonance table created from bits and pieces of interactions i've collect throughout the years, or when someone slaps me in the face with a que or behavior that forces me to become aware of the depth of the situation

fer fuks sake breh.

and im in so much debt its quite horrible

cant even pay my defense attorney that is 6 months past due. afraid they may revoke my 3 criminal charges that were reduced to violations

fukin A.