This may not seem like much of a problem ...

I buy things ....lots of things ..things i dont need with money i dont have....they keep giving me more credit ...I have two cards in an"arangement " yet igot another card and was going to transfer a balance over to get an interest free period from my other cards or one of them but i spent that too - I am so in debt i juggle one card to pay another and yet i still spend

it makes me forget that life is **** - I have ptsd - it takes my mind off it for a while - it stops me from SI either with overeating - or eating stuff i know will make me physically ill (im diabetic) not sick as in vomiting - just so ill i cant move...that way i dont go out ..I cant be trusted.. there is only me to check me and I am not strong enough..I just keep digging a deeper and deeper hole - I give the things away ..or keep them - im not talking prada bags - i mean books,, dvds,, .....Clothes I shouldnt buy because nothing looks good on me

My depression lifts for a while when i spend - til the bills come in and i cant pay them - but then there is a sort of game of juggling ... and its a punishment...

and I live in ....well chaos..

im not sure i should be here - if i shouldnt delete me and no ill feeling - just well ...dunno...

need to stop and cant - make plans - arrangments - cut my cards up but they send new ones ...

maybe a lost cause ...i still have a roof over my head and food so im ok nothing to whinge about i guess

when my sister rings up and winds me up . .. i buy somthing and that makes me feel better -but then i feel bad....lol i am nuts lol

just want to curl up and ...well not exist...but hey thats life right !