I just took a 5mg valium..i want to tell the story of my mental illness...

I am a retired medical doctor/md...I am a board certified psychiatrist..
at age 84 I need to tell my story...I am getting close to death..
I want/need to come out of my rock shelter now...

I am still depressed and need help....and I want to help others..
there is so much awful depression out there...I feel kind of stupid and ridiculous....I have not suffered as much as many of my patients
and friends who finally killed themselves...they were patients
but they were my friends...

to be continued...I am sad and angry and fearful...