I just spend 665, over half of my salary, in buying 4kg to the blind, old, annoying dog of my mother.

665

What I was going to use to pay for my medicine. What I was going to use to live this 15 days without asking money to my mom, or buying underwear, or paying for bus or so many things.

I wasted all my money because the food of this nuisance was over and now they discontinued the 2kg package. I destroyed all my budget on the first day of having it and I couldn't feel any less worthy.

My money was to help my mom in finances and yeah, not paying for this food is helping her, but I feel so... cheap. So worthless my contribution. I don't hate the dog, but it's not my dog. I don't love him. I don't like him. I feel sorry for it, I take it out to go out in the mornings, evenings and nights. I honestly can't see it as anything but a useless parasite and I think maybe I feel like it with my mother.

I'm going to ask my mom to refund me 265 because otherwise I will have no money and I just feel worthless. All my effort into this inane work. I can't stop feeling that I just threw away my money and there was nothing I could do to stop it. My mother just told me she would refund me the money, but what would be the point. What she gave me would be put to the credit card and It would be just useless money moving. Waste of time. Basically, all my plans to help my mother was to feed a nuisance that I honestly can't say I feel proud or helpful. All my plans in cinders.

I'm crying. I feel sad. I just feel plummeted and I want to kill this damn animal so much. It's not his fault. It's my brother fault for leaving him with us and it just a poor old thing, but I hate it so much right now.

I feel sick. I feel useless. I want to curl and vomit and cry and I don't know what to do.