Hi. I hope things are improving for you. I think you need to do 3 things:

1. Make up your mind whether what you did was bad or not. A lot of the times people in your situation can't make up their minds. Sometimes they feel guilty. Sometimes they try to justify their actions. Make up your mind. If you can see that what you did was wrong then just stand with it. Never try to justify it anymore. Say what I did was wrong. Period.

2. Once you make up your mind that what you did was wrong, then ask yourself whether there is one person (in the past or currently) in this world that has made no mistakes. Some mistakes are bigger than others but we all make mistakes.

3. Acknowledge that you are hurt first and foremost. Your actions have hurt your own self more than anyone else. And acknowledge that you need a superpower to heal your heart. You can't heal yourself. The only thing that can heal your heart is goodness. So from now on devote your life to goodness. Do good deeds. Help others. Don't do the bad things you used to do. Help kids. Volunteer at a hospital. Etc. Then if you persevere and have patience the goodness that you engage in will cure and clean your heart.

4. Acknowledge that you cannot access you wife's heart. No one can access anyone's heart. But the same goodness in step 3 can access all hearts. So continue to be good to her and your kid. Slowly hack away all the bad from your life and bring in goodness. Imagine that there is an eye that sees you all the time and that same eye has a hand that can heal/change your heart and your wife's heart.

5. Have complete trust that while you engage in good deeds eveything will eventually work out fine. Live in goodness and ease starting today. Put worry aside.

May you find peace, love, and happiness. And I hope eveything works out for you.


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