Lots of people get squeamish when talking about "selfish" and quickly move on to "taking care" of one's self instead.

We have to be selfish; we can only "control" ourselves and our actions, can't make anyone else do anything or be different and spending time trying is a waste of time. I love my husband so do a lot of things that make him happy because that makes me happy. That's the only reason I should be doing anything, because it makes me happy/is something I want to do!

Doing what I want instead of what you want me to is not selfish! The other person is being selfish in trying to control you by insisting you should be doing what they want/expect. Yes we have responsibilities, I am going to feed my children, etc. but I have accepted and embraced my responsibilities. I am the only one who can define what my responsibilities are and how to fulfill them though. Guilt trips about my "selfishness" from others aren't going to work because I know myself and what I want.