My T is gone this week so no session. 14 days between sessions. It's been a while since I did that. I'm not desperate or anyting, but I miss him, in a sweet way. Definitely feel his absence. I realize how I sometimes store things up to discuss with him. Certain events or feelings that arise. Now there is no place to put this stuff. So I'll lose it. It's OK, I just miss him.

Yesteday I met with my career counselor for 2 hours and later talked to my lawyer on the phone. I found myself dumping anxiety on them. I wondered if this is partly because T is not here and I am using them as a bit of a substitute. I also realized I don't usually go to T and really "dump anxiety" on him, so I'm not really using them in the same way, but it did feel good to get some of that anxiety out. My lawyer, expecially, is so great. My career counselor said something really interesting to me. She said I come across as very confident and it doesn't necessarily match my true feelings. She wonders if there wouldn't be an advantage to letting the others involved in my divorce know that I am not really that confident. Hmmmmmm.....

I had this other therapist substitute thing happen on Sunday afternoon. I was out shopping for a bed for myself. My husband is moving out later this month and taking all of our bedroom furniture with him. I need a new bed! I've been sleeping on the futon in the cold and messy basement for 2 years. I'm ready to move upstairs and reclaim the master bedroom for myself. So I went furniture shopping to make this rather significant purchase, and identified a couple of bed frames I liked. This sales guy walks up to me to help and introduces himself in a friendly way. "Hi, I'm 'Jack' , can I help you? If you can't remember that, just call me 'the bald guy.'" He is one of these guys who is going bald and shaves his head. OK, well my T's name is 'Jack' (not his real name but same as the furniture guy) and he shaves his head too. I said, "oh, I won't forget your name." Anyway, I really got along well with this sales guy--we kind of bonded. I let him sell me a really nice bed. It just seemed perfect and fitting to me, somehow. This is the start of new memories associated with my new bed. I like how it starts! (I really wanted my husband to take our old bed as I didn't want the ghost of the marriage hanging around the bed.)