So yes, you've ****ed up. But dwelling on it and beating yourself up for it won't help. All you can do now is move forward. Recommit to recovery. Start researching which meds would be best in your opinion but also take the pdoc's opinion into account. You haven't lost your family permanently. You can find another job or go on disability. Your situation is not hopeless, even though it feels like it is.

You can do this.