It took me several years to finally figure out I couldn't do it anymore...stay in the marriage. We would be ok, then bad, then ok again, we went to counseling, 5 times...I was having severe episodes of bipolar mania/mixed/depression twice a year for a number of years as well, so I was unable to really make decisions. I consulted a lawyer as far back as 2012 when someone informed me he was cheating...which he flatly denied and came after me as if I was at fault. I thought, if neither of us is happy, why are we married? but we went to counseling and made it another 2 years before he crossed a line I didn't know existed until it was crossed. That was May 2014...I left in Dec 2014, we tried to date in the spring of 2015..it just wasn't going to work, at that point, we both gave in, no more anger..just doing what we had to do to get the divorce moving. I initiated the divorce but it was still really hard to do. I was married 3 months shy of 30 years when the divorce was finalized and it was not what I had envisioned my life to be at my age. BUT I have been stable since I made the decision to leave. I have not had an episode since the fall of 2013 and finally stabilized in Jan 2014. It tells me for sure that it was the right thing for me to do.
I'm not saying it is what you need to do, and if you can figure out how to make your marriage work I highly encourage it. You might even expect to go back and forth in how you feel. I spent a LOT of time with my therapist, I was going once a week. Perhaps that would help you, to see your therapist as often as your insurance will allow. It sounds like your husband could also use some therapy? I have been through the lack of intimacy as well, when it did occur..it was not friendly. That last time, it was worse than that...no one should be sitting in the bathroom crying because of having sex with their husband. That was my epiphany. My last straw.
I wish you the best.