My husband and I had to learn how to resolve issues without the emotional content. Even if there are strong emotions at first, they don't have to get in the way of resolving an issue.

We couldn't have done it without a counsellor. But now, we recognize that it is our reaction to something that happens that causes the emotional component. There is actually a thought that precedes the reaction. By saying, "I saw (heard, felt, etc.) you do this. Then I thought, ...... whatever. Then it made me hurt, angry, etc. What I need from you is ..... (explain, hear me, do this in the future, etc.)

And if the other person learned how to do this, actual issues are resolved and the emotions don't scar.

I hope you find relief from your distress. Best wishes.