I found that there is really no one out there that can solve our problems or give us that magic fix that we so desperately want & feel like we need at times like this.

For me, finally getting away from the bad marriage & MAKING my own life where I was fully in charge of EVEYTHING, I was finally able to find joy & happiness away from the constant fighting that I couldn't stop being around him. My initial leaving wasn't with the intention initially of ending the marriage but I realized that when I was away from him 2100 miles away at my new farm, I never even thought about him & started to wonder. That new freedom that I had actually never had in my life....went from living at home, going to college then right into marriage at 21, I never had time to really determine who I really was & what my own values were even though I knew them well enough to fight against him most of the time, I was tired of fighting for everything that I thought meant anything to me & when away from that, I was able to truly determine without fighting what I really felt & thought & wanted in my life. It ended up being such a relief that I could never imagine going back to that life ever again....9 years ago now.....but in reality, it was all me that made the adjustments though DBT therapy & the wonderful therapists I have guided me in some areas, none were about my marriage.