I haven't posted in a while. I spent some time trying to figure out what I wanted to do, then got a little extra shove! I had been seeing a therapist, but didn't feel it was helping, even though he decided I should go from EW to EOW. He was also pushing me to confront my step mother and father about the abuse and there was just NO WAY I was even close to being able to do that. So, I stopped going to therapy. I didn't know if I wanted to find another or what.

Then in July, we had the police shootings here in Dallas. I work in the building across the street from the shooting locations and my building and parking garage were closed for several days. My husband is a retired police officer and his brother still is. So, this all hit VERY close to heart and home. For the first 3 days at home, I was fine, just angry, and started getting a little cabin fever and wanted to get back to work. When we could get back to the office, I went in and just couldn't handle it. I spent the next two days in bed in tears.

This convinced me I had to go back to therapy. I found a therapist who is certified in EMDR and wanted to see if I would be a candidate for that. I really like this woman. She is the complete opposite from the previous guy. We have done one session of EMDR, which she called incomplete, but I am not sure what that means. But, wow, I think it made a difference already! I was able to make a really difficult decision and have a difficult conversation that previously, just would not have happened!

Then when my dad texted me about his new puppy, I was polite, and said oh btw, I have been diagnosed with complex ptsd and am doing EMDR therapy. He said he didn't know what that was. I tried to explain, and he COMPLETELY ignored it. Went right on talking about the damned dog. SMH. Now, if you knew me and my family, you would understand how previously that would have never happened, I would have had a panic attack even thinking about saying that to him, and his reaction would have just sunk me. Now, I am pissed at him, really, disgusted with him. I still cant believe how he can just ignore all of this, BUT, it isn't killing me. My family doesn't discuss anything except really superficial issues. Hey, got a new dog, got a new truck. etc. No feelings, no bad stuff. No past. But I just did it, without dying. YAY!

I am continuing with the EMDR. It wasn't easy. I totally didn't expect what happened, but wow. But for me to make such headway after one session, I am definitely continuing!