That must be so stressful. Sorry you are going through all this. I agree that now you are I hospital it is best you be completely open about what you are experiencing such as what you have been telling us. The doctors and nurses are there to help you and you need help right now. Sending you much love and many hugs.
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Bipolar 1 with psychotic features
PTSD
"Phew! For a minute there I lost myself."
'Karma Police' by Radiohead