Day 4 of the challenge : I love that my h doesn't rub my face in my own messy mistakes.

There was a bad storm the night before last. My son told me he was up all night and scared from it. My h said he didn't even hear it and slept right through.

I felt very bad that I am putting my son's safety at risk by not being in the house with him. So I moved back home and slept in the house with h last night.

We were able to cancel most of the expenses I incurred. So now I feel I was just manic and I feel ashamed that I pulled yet another stunt trying to run away and came back with my tail between my legs.

Ok, maybe I'm Borderline, Bipolar, Disordered, whatever...

Then we get ready for bed last night and he starts with the half-aszed attempt at sexual initiation, making that awkward, phoney face that he makes that sets me off into an anxiety attack. I told him nicely to let it go and that I'd feel better tomorrow .

I know you all don't know what to say to me anymore besides get professional help. I'm sorry to be so annoying. I guess I just like writing it out to see it transpire before my eyes.

I know how messed up this is, and looking back on one year of documenting this is so disturbing.

I can't bring myself to go to yet another therapist.