I figured out the problem. Mom and I had a civil conversation this morning. She told me that she's so mad at me for trying to commit suicide, and she's so worried I'm going to overdose again.

I feel like such a selfish asshole. I am determined not to ruin my life further.

She said she's worried about leaving me alone and that her and dad can't even enjoy the summer and go camping because she's worried while they're gone I'll try to kill myself.

Okay, so I am totally selfish person by making everyone so worried about me. I don't feel suicidal at all right now, but if I do start feeling suicidal I'm going to go to the ER right away so I don't do something impulsive and stupid. I'm going to go tell her that.