I will be inpatient tomorrow. My life has been spiraling downward, and before I a rock bottom, id like to hit a softer landing. My financial and living situation and worstend. I've been have suicidal ideation with an all too easy plan. I'be been slipping at work becauser of my hard mornings. My boss is getting frustrated. He doesn't know what to do. Neither do I. My meds are still numbing me down to the point where I don't feel creative all. Things just keep getting worse. I can see them getting wose too. I'd rather just get on some kind of partial disability, work part time, get medicare, be able to afford another apartment, and have a job walking distance with a library near by. That's my goal. Too much?

I talked to my mother about some of this. she is taking this harder than I am. She just freezes when things get hard.

Like I said, suicidal ideation, a plan, a time period. the time period is not for a few months though. Zbut still, that's not healthy.